I’m sitting at a bus shelter in Doune on a sunny winter morning having just been kicked out my date’s house by her large, pissed off, rather doting father. I’m tired, hungry, cold and very hung-over. I am trying to arrange a meeting with one of my mates in Stirling with no luck, apart from charlotte who is insisting on hearing every detail; so I switch my phone off and try to find a shop that sells good coffee and tobacco. On the way Mojo, who has been in stasis since I got thrown out, gives me my first jolt of energy of the day.

“My Maaaaan!”

“Good morning. Don’t start your shit; not at the moment.”

“I wasn’t going to; I like what you’re doing. It seems the planets are playing your side now.”

Mojo liked to act the middle man between me and the astrological powers that be.

I found a store that was open and got my coffee and smokes and headed back to the bus shelter. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the mist was rising off the fall grass in the quaint little town I had ended up in; it was a nice backdrop to the pain in my head; I would have to get some Zydol (very effective pain killers) from Niall.

On the half hour bus ride into town I was overcome by an incredible feeling of peace as I watched the beautiful countryside pass by. Mojo was being very chilled and accommodating; he was usually very excitable.

“Yo! I like her man. I think you may have finally not screwed up here.”

“Yeah I know; she’s somethin’ else right?” I agreed

“True man. She’s very assertive; just like us. I think Mastertape likes her as much as I do; which can only be a good thing.”

“Yeah Mastertapes taking the morning off okay? Don’t start screwing around with him.”

“Christ on a bike. You really have no faith in me at all.” He said dryly.

“Yeah well he’s in reflective mode right now; trying to remember stuff from last night. He doesn’t need you playing ‘Think with The Little General’ right now.”

Mojo went silent but violent on me.

When I get to Stirling and sort myself out with some sausage rolls and coffee I find a bench with sunlight shining on it and start going over the previous night.

I remembered meeting her at a bar with my mate then having a few drinks. My mate made his excuses and left and we started talkin for a while. We then went to have steak at an American theme restraunt; where we drank more booze; two pitchers of slippery nipple I think. Then we headed to a karaoke bar for some singing and more drink. We sang Hold me; Thrill me; Kiss me; Kill me by U2. I remember by the time we started to go to the next bar / club we were pretty gassed. We got to The Yard and had a few games of pool and more drink. I remember feeling the whole night comfortable with her and talking with her easy; which was something I hadn’t felt in a while. Mojo was relaxed and not trying to invade the rapport we had.

“Let’s go back to mine baby.” She said seductively.

Mojo went crazy when he heard that; like clockwork he kicked in with a vengeance on sensual mode.

“Sure” I said kissing her lips and neck.

Mojo was trying hard to contain his physical manifestation by this point. I could almost hear him scream ‘YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHH!!’

We headed back to the little town outside Stirling and went to a wee pub when we got there and got yet more drunk; it was a quaint, oldie type pub with a warm atmosphere. We sat in the back and made out for most of our time there; I kissed her neck and caught the scent of her hair and fragrance; I wanted to jump her right there. Or rather Mojo did.

“Damn right!” He added.

I remember going back to her house and waiting at her window for about 15 minutes while she got a sleeping bag and some dope. We were going to a small bird watching cabin far into the woods, near a small lake. It took about ten minutes to get there in the dark; the stars were out and I was amazed at how beautiful they were much to the annoyance of Christine who had me by the hand and pulled me every time I stopped to gaze a while. I was wasted by this point. We got to the cabin and made a packed joint which ensured our trip back would be a hard one. We then had sex. Mojo was in his element, albeit a bit wasted; Mastertape just wasn’t functioning properly. After our passionate if not clumsy romp we got the giggles which lasted a long time.

“What are we smoking?” I asked.

“Grass babe.” She laughed.

 We headed back to hers; where she climbed in the window and I took five minutes to get in because I couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually I got in and we undressed each other and tried to make love even though I was fucked beyond belief. We then had a short sleep cause it was about five in the morning.

“What website are we in?” I ask barely conscious.

“Huh? Time to get up honey.” She said.

Then her father appeared and that’s all I remember.

I head up to Nialls for Zydol, a cup of Lady Grey and a chat then head home with a different perspective for Mastertape to mull over.

“Hey man! Get your lazy ass out of bed and get to the toilet!” Said Mojo

I slowly opened my eyes and groaned for about a minute.

“Oh man…”

“Yeah. ‘Oh man’. You know what you did last night?”

“Its too early Mojo.”

“Sheeeit! To early my ass! I feel fine.” Mojo mocked

“I need a fag and a cup of Earl Grey.”

“Don’t you forget to take a piss now!”

I got up and done my business then hobbled down stairs to get some tea and painkillers. Mojo liked painkillers.

“Hey man!” Yelled Mojo.

“Jesus are you still up?! Fuck off and let me get chilled huh?”

Mojo got the point and calmed down. I got myself Ghandi with some painkillers Earl Grey and a rollup. I had been out with the guys last night to the Fubar. With the information slowly coming back to me I put together a good night; we had got drunk and stoned then went to the club. It was hazy beyond that point.

“Yo!”

“What is it Mojo?”

“Don’t you ever think about why you do what you do?” Asked Mojo

“I know why I do what I do.”

“Oh you’re the smarty art Mofo huh?” He laughed

“My Venus and Mars are both in Aries and a lot of my planets are in Sagittarius.”

“Yeah, its that element of surprise and pure lust isn’t it? Well that’s bullshit! I’m the reason your getting your hole buddy boy; and don’t you forget it!”

“Mojo. Just chill o.k.?”

He was like this sometimes, all arrogant and loudmouthed; especially when I had a hangover. The painkillers would chill him right out and he would be more accommodating. Then I would be able to write something or shoot some stuff with the camera.

Later that night I was on the p.c downloading some tunes after talkin with niall about last night. Apparently I pulled some crazy chick who wanted sex ‘outside in five minutes!’. Why do I do that? I asked myself. Just then Mojo started again.

“I’ll tell you why. Cause you are a man, and a mans gonna be a man. Relationships don’t come into the equation with you; you’re a fuckin hunter!”

Mojo was beginning to piss me off so I thought I’d rub him up the wrong way.

I got out the Vaseline and clicked on ‘Santa Clause and his Crimbo Ho Ho Ho’s!’

“Yo man! What you doin!?”

“You know it.”

“NOOOOOOOOO!”

“Scream if you want to; aint nobody gonna hear.”

”Constitution for the Planet Earth et Code of Terrasidius”'

I. Drugs and Prostitution legalized for the safety, comfort and ultimate economic gain of everyone.

II. Politics should be the domain of enlightened philosophers who want nothing more than the best for the people. There would not be two or three parties all competing, vying and lying for votes there would be a 'Senate' of enlightened philosophers all working for the people and nothing more.

III. Latin to be brought back to be the first (second in some cases) language of all people.

IV. Extensive building of new Greco-Roman style buildings and monuments, e.g. Ionic temple style buildings called 'Temple of Venus' which would in effect be a legal brothel. Also restoration of ancient buildings such as the Pyramids, Parthenon at the Acropolis, Roman Forum, Coliseum e.t.c. Justification is; paintings from say, the renaissance are restored why not the beautiful buildings of the past which are as much beautiful treasures of art as the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel by Michelangelo.

V. Prisons reformed into school systems where the focus should be on rehabilitation rather than just cold punishment. Prisoners would learn philosophy, English, math e.t.c. with the focus being on philosophy; it being the most beautiful mind opening disciplines.

VI. Philosophy would be a paying profession along with all other arts which further the human mind and soul; indeed the leaders of nations would be philosophers.

The focus (in terms of politics) obviously being on philosophy that comes to a balanced, logical and sensible conclusion.

VII. The world’s space programmes would be given all the funding they need and media coverage e.t.c. As it is so important to the progression of mankind. Also they would be conglomerated into one single World Space Programme.

VIII. Population control would be implemented to balance out the global birth/death ratio. As it is obvious that viruses such as AIDS and Avian Flu are natures answer to the ever increasing population of human kind. Also for reasons of conservation of invaluable natural areas such as the worlds rainforests.

IX. Schools would undergo serious reform as far as how subjects are taught and how relations between student and teacher are concerned and like prisons the focus would be on encouraging them to learn through working with them and talking with them rather than to them. Special care would be taken in all sectors of society to promote

understanding and learning. Philosophy would be the bedrock of everything; the philosophy of balance and respect for nature e.t.c.

X. Age limits would be changed to reflect the true ages at which people either begin to experiment with sex or reach adulthood, not just some knee-jerk age limits they suddenly decided a hundred or so years ago (in Britain at least). Below are the more thought out and sensible ages:

Age 14 - Allowed to have sex

Age 16 - Allowed Drugs and Alcohol e.t.c.

Age 23 - Allowed Marriage; Children.

The point being that no-one is really an ADULT until the age of around 23, certainly people at 16 should not be allowed to have children. The time up to 23 being more about learning about the world and experience.

XI. Ideas such as free speech and human rights would be thought through carefully and issues regarding them would be crystalinly clear; for example people such as "Muslim Cleric" Abu Hamza and BNP leader Nick Griffin (two sides of the same coin) would NOT be allowed their 'right' to free speech, considering that they are in positions of power and influence, Nick Griffin especially as he is the leader of a 'political party'. Such 'Parties' should not even have the opportunity to flourish legally.
As far as human rights are concerned; stem cell research has come under fire because they use human embryos for their research, some people feel that said embryos, being technically human, have human rights. This is simply ridiculous, as an embryo has no concept that it is even an embryo. Human rights should only be for human beings proper who have can at least even comprehend that they even have these rights and what they entail.

XII. Militarily, the worlds military institutions would be required to teach troops not only a 'trade' and the art of war but also (coercively) literature, the arts, sciences, history and all the other important educational faculties. Like all other public sectors, learning, especially philosophy, and having an, at least, learned, open minded population would be of maxim importance.
Soldiers with a more thoughtful, intellectual, worldly and open-minded outlook would not just fight in the theater of war but would also recognize the main aim of the war and NEVER forget the whole point of the war and that people and the winning of hearts and minds e.t.c. are of optimum importance. The military would therefore not be, for the most part, filled with poorly educated, vulgar proletariat but with intelligent, open-minded and philosophical people. 'Warrior Poets' as the old term goes. Also the military ( in Africa ) would be modeled on the Roman Legions, the dress uniform would perfectly resemble the Romans, all the terms would be applied also; given that it would be a Latin speaking society.

XIII. Following on with the military theme, the U.N would be the new power in the world, politically of course. Meaning it would NOT let clearly illegal wars like the recent war in Iraq perpetrated by George W. Bush happen; it would simply be illegal. Countries if they wanted to go to war would have to clearly, unambiguously and honestly lay down their reasons for war and a balanced, informed decision would be made (keeping in mind that enlightened philosophers are in charge).