Terrasidius Petronius REX IMPERATOR

I was lying in bed after a really heavy night when I was awakened suddenly by the usual deep, pimplike voice.

“Hey man! Get your lazy ass out of bed and get to the toilet!” Said Mojo

I slowly opened my eyes and groaned for about a minute.

“Oh man…”

“Yeah. ‘Oh man’. You know what you did last night?”

“Its too early Mojo.”

“Sheeeit! To early my ass! I feel fine.” Mojo mocked

“I need a fag and a cup of Earl Grey.”

“Don’t you forget to take a piss now!”

I got up and done my business then hobbled down stairs to get some tea and painkillers. Mojo liked painkillers.

“Hey man!” Yelled Mojo.

“Jesus are you still up?! Fuck off and let me get chilled huh?”

Mojo got the point and calmed down. I got myself Ghandi with some painkillers Earl Grey and a rollup. I had been out with the guys last night to the Fubar. With the information slowly coming back to me I put together a good night; we had got drunk and stoned then went to the club. It was hazy beyond that point.

“Yo!”

“What is it Mojo?”

“Don’t you ever think about why you do what you do?” Asked Mojo

“I know why I do what I do.”

“Oh you’re the smarty art Mofo huh?” He laughed

“My Venus and Mars are both in Aries and a lot of my planets are in Sagittarius.”

“Yeah, its that element of surprise and pure lust isn’t it? Well that’s bullshit! I’m the reason your getting your hole buddy boy; and don’t you forget it!”

“Mojo. Just chill o.k.?”

He was like this sometimes, all arrogant and loudmouthed; especially when I had a hangover. The painkillers would chill him right out and he would be more accommodating. Then I would be able to write something or shoot some stuff with the camera.

Later that night I was on the p.c downloading some tunes after talkin with niall about last night. Apparently I pulled some crazy chick who wanted sex ‘outside in five minutes!’. Why do I do that? I asked myself. Just then Mojo started again.

“I’ll tell you why. Cause you are a man, and a mans gonna be a man. Relationships don’t come into the equation with you; you’re a fuckin hunter!”

Mojo was beginning to piss me off so I thought I’d rub him up the wrong way.

I got out the Vaseline and clicked on ‘Santa Clause and his Crimbo Ho Ho Ho’s!’

“Yo man! What you doin!?”

“You know it.”

“NOOOOOOOOO!”

“Scream if you want to; aint nobody gonna hear.”